I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
