I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
