So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
