fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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