I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
