My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
