just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
