Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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