he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
