tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
