You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
