I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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