i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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