my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
