He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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