respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
