wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Holy shit dude........stairs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize