he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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