i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
