I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
