You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
