...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
