Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
