what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
God, I missed his penis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
