U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
