there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
