I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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