So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
