I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
