And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
