one might say we're banned from that church
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
