My first STD was from a foam party
she woke up with a sticky ear
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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