Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
