I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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