you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
