My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
