is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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