If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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