dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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