I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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