I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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