you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
