I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
