Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
