My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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