I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
