he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
