eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
