Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
