Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
