He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
