sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's just like the Real World with babies
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
