Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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