i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So vagazzling was a success
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
