I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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