Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
