The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
