My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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