I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My room smells like vodka and shame
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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