Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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