I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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