Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
