she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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