Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
