I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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