I can text with my tongue
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
