I seem to have left my pride at pride
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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