People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
