based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Let's get the cat blown out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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