i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
