My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
