i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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