hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
