Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
