You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We named our party play list daddy issues
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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