I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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