Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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