My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
