Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In America we eat man semen.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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