Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
