one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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