and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
