Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
