My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
