I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
