I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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