By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
