i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
