after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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