My Higher Power is John Stamos
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
