Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
