All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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