Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
