You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
