Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
