never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
