Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
