I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
third nipple confirmed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
