So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize