When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
