Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize