all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
