So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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