Can i not drive my cunt home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
