the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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