peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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