In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
