I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
